Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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