My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
