And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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