So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
