At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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