omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
oh god was she eating orange peels again
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
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