Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
