i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
