I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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