Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
