i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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