I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
