planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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