it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
