No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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