well you can't waste a boner
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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