Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
