Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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