Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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