I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
