all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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