So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
