Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
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