Sry I called you an 8
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Boobs are out for the taking
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
