i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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