theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
it's like iHOP with fire
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
