Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
