Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
