cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
