apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
