it wasn't lemon gatorade
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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