Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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