it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
