When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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