In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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