she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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