she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize