happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You are the jesus of drinking
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
