You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
