help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize