So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
