Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
