She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
