my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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