if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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