I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
