i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
