I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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