He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
