Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize