Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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