im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
