i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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