Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
