He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
