she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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