i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
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