in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize