i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
