When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
