how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
