Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
