Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
why didn't you poke me back
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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