Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
