The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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