I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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