Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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