The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
