Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
