hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
