Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
