you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
