i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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