now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
