I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize