yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
