i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize