The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
