Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
