the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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