the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
