woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
