i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
