If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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