Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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