just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize