I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
