I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I want to be your penis for a week.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
