So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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