her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
