She said her name was "party"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
