Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
