I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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