You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
My pussy is not your playground.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
