Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
