Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
