Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
