I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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