My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
