yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
