I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
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