We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
