Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
