so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
