omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
