I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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