Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
My room smells like vodka and shame
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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