i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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