My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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