Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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