Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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