if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
