Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
